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I’ve Moved!

Hi there,

Thanks for visiting Wise Living! I’ve moved to a new, more beautiful, interactive, easy to explore site at www.wiselivingblog.com.

Come Visit!!

My new site!

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Time Lying

Image by flickrfy

There’s something that’s been bothering me lately: hearing, again and again, from clients, friends, colleagues, “I don’t have enough time.”

I have a thing about this phrase. It gets to me. It bothers me because I think we use it when we mean something else, when we mean “I don’t want to.” “That’s not compelling to me.” “That doesn’t appeal to me because…” We time-lie.

It bothers me because it makes us glorious, powerful human beings—beings with agency and the power to shape our lives—into victims of time. It makes 24-hours-in-a-day a constraint instead of an obscenely-over-the-top gift.

Time Lying To Ourselves

“But I am busy!” you say. “I have no time! There is so much I would do if I had the time.”

Maybe. Maybe there is more you would do. But in my coaching practice, I see again and again that underneath “I don’t have enough time” or “I’m too busy for that” is always some other block, some other source of resistance. It could be fear (quite often it’s fear of failure or simply of the unknown), inertia to stay with the status quo, or simply “not wanting to,” and feeling that “I don’t want to” isn’t an acceptable reason that stands on it’s own.

So we time-lie to ourselves. We convince ourselves the reason we aren’t doing x is that we don’t have enough time, when the real reason is fear or a “not wanting to” that we feel guilty about.

I can’t tell you how often in coaching sessions this happens: right after a client has shared how a particular passion makes their heart rise and their spirit blissful and the world feel magical comes the line, “But I don’t have time to do that.” It would be funny if it weren’t so serious.

We convince ourselves (conveniently) that we need hours upon hours to do the things we love. It’s my job as coach to say, “Really? 15 minutes, twice a week, is plenty to start. How important is this to you?”  After we dispense with the next round of excuses (“I don’t have the equipment,” “I don’t have the right space in my house,” etc.) we usually get to the kernel of pure fear. And then we face it.

Whatever the truth is, let’s own it. Let’s tell ourselves the truth. Instead of repeating to ourselves over and over again that we are victims of too few hours in the day, let’s use words that empower us and reflect the power we each have, like “I’ve chosen to prioritize other things right now” or “It’s not compelling enough for me right now.” No more of this “I don’t have enough time.”

Time Lying to Others

Sometimes we lie about “not enough time” to others. We don’t want to ruffle feathers, or disappoint. We don’t have the courage to say, “I don’t want to,” “that’s not important to me,” or, as Danielle LaPorte has written about, “it just doesn’t feel right.” We use the bland, socially acceptable substitute, “I just don’t have enough time.”

I do this. I do it all the time. I find it scary to say no simply because I don’t want to, because I’m not interested, because I have issues with such and such aspect of what’s being proposed…whatever. I want to be nice. To not be the one to cause conflict or make a mess. I don’t want to offend or leave you feeling rejected.

I’ll grant you (and me) this: perhaps there are rare instances when a graceful exit is sorely needed, when dealing with someone who doesn’t hear difficult truths well, someone you can’t afford to upset. Perhaps there are times like these when it’s reasonable to use the cop out, “not enough time” line.

But most of the time, we can do better. We can tell the truth, for the sake of deepening our relationships by doing so, and for the sake of honoring and owning what’s true.

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You know that person in your community that you’ve always been aware of but never gotten to know? At least a dozen people you know know them, and like them. You hear their name all the time. But something in you just feels kind of apathetic, uninterested, in getting to know this person. You kinda feel like, “yeah, I’ll stay over here on this side of the room, and you stay over there.” Just no click.

For about fifteen years, as I hung out in personal growth circles – in the reading, the thinking, the occasional workshop, the practices – and that was my relationship to the concept of “living the in the present.” Everyone was talking about it. It came up all the time. But I wasn’t drawn to it. I was drawn to concepts like transformation, love, freedom, joy. The plain old present moment? Blah.

About a year ago, I started writing about the present moment. I befriended the concept. I began to see how I was limited by my brain’s compulsion to be running all over the place, taking me into the future and the past and nine hundred random hypotheticals all the time. I got the value of it. Kind of.

Our journeys of personal growth unfold with their own rhythm and timeline, and what’s happening in mine now is a calling to go deeper into mindfullness, meditation, into familiarity with the present moment. What seemed boring now seems rich. What seemed icky now has a magnetic pull. I’m seeing in a whole new way what the simplicity of reality in the present moment offers us, and how it is a key to so much. I’ll be writing about this much more.

What is evolving naturally in your journey right now? What are you feeling called to? What’s shifting?

I want to direct your attention to two related guests posts, which I’m behind on sharing with you. (There is so much pressure in the blogging world to do everything immediately, and I’m not always able to keep up!)

Anyway, on this topic, of being with what is, please see my recent guest post Leaving Ourselves at the beautiful blog Embody Grace. Gina is a fabulous writer and her blog is quite a resource. If you know that you reach for something – TV, email, twitter, food, shopping, etc – to avoid what’s happening in the present moment, this post is for you.

Yesterday, I had a guest post at 6 aliens, Ben Lumley’s personal growth blog. Ben is a remarkable guy with a tremendous passion for personal growth, and I’ve been totally delighted to get to know him. The post is about a phenomenon that most certainly is getting in your way in your life, from time to time or all the time. I call the phenomenon The Ego Detour, and you’ll want to read about it and get some tools for addressing it’s nasty effects.

By the way, I am home from paradise (thanks everyone who has been asking)! I’m actually taking off for trip #2 today, heading out to Boulder, Colorado for a couple days accompanying the husband on a business trip, and then to NYC, to frolic around with dear friends, soak up art (I LOVE ART!!) and generally bask in the overwhelming glory that is New York City.

That’s the scoop.

Sending you all wishes for a day in which you are relentlessly kind to yourself. Please?

Love,

Tara

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A couple of years ago I found myself asking, again and again, “Is this all there is?” The question popped up in quiet moments, in the spaces in between to do lists and tasks.

This question is a cliche, but more importantly, I’ve learned, its a sacred door opening. It shows up when something inside of us knows the path we’re on isn’t quite the right one. It’s the beginning of change. It’s the invitation to growth.

I’m writing about the question at Huffington Post, where I’ve just become a regular blogger. Yipee! This is an exciting milestone for me. I always love it when readers like you come and read my work over at other sites, but I’d particularly like to ask for your support in this case. Commenting, tweeting, facebook sharing the Huffington Post article will help it and me get more exposure at the site.

I’m still on the beach in paradise, and when I close my eyes, I often see the image of a large sea turtle I watched a few days ago…floating in a clear sea, light, turquoise blue. There he (or she) was, bobbing, paddling, close to the surface, every few sections stretching an open mouth up to the air. A huge gorgeous brown and green shell. I was the privileged observer.

The world is so big and I am so small, but I am part of it. Sometimes, in a human crowd, in the midst of a city, at a party, at the office, its hard to feel like we belong. But standing on the sand, part of this thing that also includes tress and sea and sky, its impossible to not feel full my fundamental belonging. Our fundamental belonging here.

Love,

Tara

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Hi there!  The adrenalin is flowing through my veins this morning, because I’m so excited to have a guest post, Why Happy Couples Should Be Apart, at one of my favorite favorite favorite blogs, World’s Strongest Librarian.

Josh Hanagarne, the blogger behind the magic of World’s Strongest Librarian, describes himself as “an aspiring strongman, bookish nerd, twitchy guy with Tourette’s Syndrome, devoted family man, tearer of phonebooks, and humble librarian. A tall, thin paradox wrapped in thick glasses.” Need I saw more?

In addition to all that, he’s (in my opinion) one of the most original writing voices on the web.

About the post: A few weeks ago, when my husband was coming home from a long trip for work, I wrote about why I felt time apart had actually been very good for our relationship and for me personally.

Something in me said, “send this one to Josh.” So I did. This morning it’s up at his site.

Please visit and join the conversation about couples and time apart.

Love, Tara

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Today I’m hanging out at The Change Blog, writing about What It Takes to Stay. Come visit!

It dawned on me a few weeks ago that our culture is nearly obsessed with finding – finding the right job, the right partner, the right job. We spend a lot less time and energy on thinking and talking about staying – how to stay with and sustain a good thing. That’s what I’m writing about there today.

Also, in no particular order:

1. I’m headed to Boulder and then NYC in May and June. Let me know if there are any particular people (bloggers, writers, coaches, spiritual teachers) you think I should meet while I’m there, or groups that might be interested in hosting a mini-workshop or a talk.

2. I’ve been getting a little sloppy about my commitment to not eat wheat, and the results are reminding me once again that in this lifetime, wheat is not my friend. Time to get back on the wagon on that one.

3. If you have a young girl in your life, I recommend seeing Alice in Wonderland. It’s the rare film with a strong female heroine. She’s definitely imitating the male hero’s journey – i.e. slay monster with sword, etc., but it is a step in the right direction!

Love,

Tara

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Upcoming Programs

A few weeks ago, I held a workshop on setting and achieving goals. It was a magical afternoon and I can’t wait to do it again. Here is some information on three upcoming programs. I hope you’ll join me!

Tara

You in 2010: Turning Goals Upside Down and Inside Out (To Get What You Really Want in Life)

What do you want in your life for 2010?

At this workshop, we’ll turn traditional goal setting on its head – to get you phenomenal results in your life. Come learn a revolutionary new way to identify and achieve your most important goals. Past participants say:

“An amazing afternoon yesterday. I left feeling renewed and reawakened on so many levels….More than anyone I have met, Tara has a natural capability for guiding others to access their own strengths and personal vision.”

“Tara Mohr’s workshop on goal setting has changed the way I will think about goals forever.  She helped me to set truly resonant, juicy, inspiring goals, and to think about how to design my life so that I can actually achieve them.”

“I would absolutely recommend the workshop to friends, colleagues, anyone.”

After attending the workshop you will:

  • Have clarity about your aspirations for 2010
  • Know how to keep your goals juicy and compelling throughout the year
  • Be able to get what you want, immediately – not  in the distant future
  • Have identified practical strategies for achieving your goals

Sunday February 28th, noon-4:30pm, in downtown San Francisco

Cost: $40

RSVP to tarasophia.mohr@gmail.com

And…

Off the Treadmill: A Spa Day for Your Soul at Avra Organic Spa

Many busy women feel like they are on a treadmill, focused on day-to-day responsibilities, without time to look at the big picture. All of us need “off the treadmill” retreats to look at the big picture and chart direction for the future.

It can be hard to know where to begin: What questions should I ask? What if stress and busyness has left me unsure how to slow down, or afraid to? What if the insights I discover don’t fit with my financial or family responsibilities, or the other demands in my life?

At this workshop, you’ll use simple tools to pull the camera back and look at the big picture of your life. You will come away with:

• A life assessment that shows you what’s working and what’s not
• An understanding of your “must-haves” and “deal-breakers” for fulfillment
• A vision about where you want to go next, and strategies to get there
• Simple tools to create your own meaningful “off the treadmill” time on an ongoing basis.

Think of this as a “spa day” – a retreat, pampering, and rejuvenation day – for your whole self.

March 7, 1-4 pm at Avra Organic Spa in San Francisco, Cost $50.

To register call 415.351.1500 or email info@avraorganicspa.com

Doing Your Real Work a one-day workshop, being held on two dates: March 21& April 11

There is your job, and there is your work. Your job is what you are doing to earn income at the moment. Your true work is that project you daydream about, the idea that keeps tugging at your heart or the unique contribution you feel inspired to make.

Maybe your job is running a nonprofit program, but you know your real work is developing teams. Perhaps your job is editing films, but you know your real work is writing them. Our work and our jobs may be one and the same, or they may be very different.

They may overlap a little or a lot.

Most of us have trouble figuring out how to make time for our real work, and we struggle to pursue it confidently and consistently. This program is for those who wish to start pursuing their real work–through a job or outside of one.
You will come away from the workshop with

  • greater clarity about what your real work is
  • strategies to overcome the things that stop you from doing your real work
  • a practical action plan, and
  • support and accountability that will propel you forward.

March 21 or April 11 (chose your preferred date)

11am-5pm, downtown San Francisco

Cost $75

RSVP to tarasophia.mohr@gmail.com

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